I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
