Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
