you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
