This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
