Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I understand Curling. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
