marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
where am i from again
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
