i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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