1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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