Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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