you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
