i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
