I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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