I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
