My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
