Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
