and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
