her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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