So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
