okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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