I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
