well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
