I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
