when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
