Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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