You can't special order awesome
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
