The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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