Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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