Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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