our cab driver is having phone sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
