I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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