Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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