pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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