There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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