I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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