I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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