My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
