Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
