i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
