I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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