i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
