You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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