Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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