My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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