What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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