she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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