my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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