Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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