if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize