Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize