i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
