dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize