More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
