woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
