"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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