Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
