OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
