I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
