do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
