sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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