I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
