Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
