he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
