they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
be right there i have to get my cape
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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