hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
did you just send me my own nude
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
