apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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