John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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