so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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