yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
