my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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