This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
